apolloyoostis wondered,
What's that Flappy Bird game everyone keeps talking about

angryboyfriends:

zaccharine:

Flappy Bird is the tale of this worthless piece of shit:

You see this unnaturally rotund, wide-eyed, piss-yellow asshole? Notice how he has wings? They might as well not even be there, because this fucker can’t fly worth shit. A paper airplane crafted by a four year-old could fly for a longer distance, I am fucking certain.

So your job is to help poor ol’ Flappy hear fly. “Aw, poor lil’ guy! I’ll help him fly, how hard could this be?”

That’s what I thought.

Oh god, I was an unfortunate, misinformed soul. I was innocent, until I was corrupted.

For some reason, the game takes place in the same fucking universe as Mario, as evidenced by the green pipes. That is, save for the fact that there appears to be the skyline of a modern city in the background, something that certainly does not exist in the realm of our favorite mustachioed plumber as we know it. Who knows, maybe Flappy Bird himself overthrew the Mushroom Kingdom, creating a metropolitan dystopia run by other round, flightless fucks. I certainly would not trust those eyes - or rather, eye. There is a sort of evil lurking in the depths.

A normal bird would be able to avoid these pipes on their own, but Flappy needs your assistance. It’s up to you to repeatedly, yet methodically, tap the screen to raise Flappy back up when he inevitably begins to descend at a speed that requires a weight which we cannot even conceive as being possibly possessed by such a small, feathery shit stain.

There are no breaks. There are no checkpoints. Pipe after pipe, eventually it all begins to blend together. That is, if you make it past the first obstacle, which will probably take you a while since the controls are so fucking horrid. No, Flappy, you little pissant, I didn’t want you to go that high! Wait no, stop! Shit!

Please don’t play this game, I’ve lost family and friends. When I walk down the street, people look at me. They know. And I know, too, when I see someone who’s made the mistake of attempting to guide this avian atrocity. You can see the emptiness in their eyes. You can smell the regret.

Don’t let Flappy drag you into the vortex of despair with him.

Avoid Flappy Bird at all costs, lest you wish for a fate worse than death.

it consumes your soul

2 months ago with 34,892 notes / via: seleygomez source: zaccharine
lol omg - avoiding this at all costs - flappy bird -

lordoftheinternet:

some thoughts are so private that you only share them with a therapist or 17,000 people on the internet

3 months ago with 345,107 notes / via: scholar-nina source: lordoftheinternet
lol omg - truth -

flyawaymax:

That’s the opposite of a problem

(Source: anditlingers)

4 months ago with 447,470 notes / via: rickonroll source: anditlingers
lol omg -

missmokushiroku:

jamilalikemanila:

missmokushiroku:

I can’t take “light [kink]” tags seriously, I always take the concept to its logical extreme

like I just saw a fic tagged with “light sadism” and all I can imagine is someone getting off to their partner getting a papercut

i always read them as “[kink] lite”, like the low calorie version of a kink

the vanilla froyo of kinks

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Bondage

4 months ago with 61 notes / via: jamilathescylla source: missmokushiroku
lol omg - i am so done with this website - smh -

(Source: wolvesandrec)

4 months ago with 3,260 notes / via: meatandsarcasmguy source: wolvesandrec
lol omg - teen wolf - right? - pretty sure that's where this is from -

team-joebama:

i just watched this five times in a row

(Source: epic-vines)

5 months ago with 228,092 notes / via: meggannn source: epic-vines
lol omg - same tbh -

fluent-in-lesbianism:

MY MOM JUST TOLD ME TO CREMATE HER AND PUT HER ASHES IN AN HOUR GLASS SO THAT EVEN AFTER SHE’S DEAD AND GONE SHE CAN CONTINUE TELLING ME HOW MUCH TIME I’M WASTING ON THIS SITE.

5 months ago with 432,041 notes / via: astroprojection source: fluent-in-lesbianism
lol omg -

maliciousmelons:

when you are in a hurry and someone wont let the conversation end

image

5 months ago with 191,476 notes / via: seleygomez source: maliciousmelons
lol omg - about me -

(Source: noahandquinn)

5 months ago with 361 notes / via: highburyapproved source: noahandquinn
lol omg - this is like me and my best friend - i'm constantly making metaphors - alllll the damn time - emma approved -

vriskanon:

kawaiipeculier:

sometimes i feel sad then i remember issac newtons hair

image

he may have discovered gravity but that luxurious flowing mane sure hasnt damn son

(Source: princessskittybot)

5 months ago with 128,156 notes / via: dottily source: princessskittybot
lol omg -